Grasping at Christmas straws

Posted on December 28, 2009 by Sarah

I hope everyone had a lovely, long Christmas weekend. The Home Sweet Sarah gang got exactly what they wanted: A very uneventful holiday filled with lots of food and Christmas movies and lounging around in Christmas PJs.
Christmas PJs
The real festivities took place last week (or maybe it was two weeks ago? Who can keep track!), when we went to Mexico for a couple days. It was an incredibly fun trip with some of Chris’s extended family and tequila.

Oh, the tequila. Let’s discuss the tequila for a minute, shall we? What is it about Mexico that makes it possible for people to drink copious amounts of tequila without getting even the slightest bit hungover? Is it the air? The water? Whatever it is, I’ve found that upon returning to the States, the ability to take shots of tequila completely disappears. [Which really, when you think about it, is a good thing. I mean, we can’t just go around taking shots of tequila any old random Monday at 7:30 AM, can we? Or can we?] Anyway, it was so bad that when we stopped in for dinner at a local restaurant the night we got back, I couldn’t even LOOK at the bottle of Patron on the flier advertising Taco Tuesday without feeling sick. And then there was the dream I had last night – a dream which is still haunting me right now – wherein I guzzled cheap tequila from one of those clear, plastic, half gallon jugs. And now, I’m going to stop talking about tequila, because I’m starting to get the shakes.

So, Mexico was great, OBVIOUSLY, and other than what I did in the paragraph above, most of my time was spent lounging poolside, reading books, flipping over, reading magazines, sitting in the sun, and reading more books.Infinity pool
Chris did the boy version of this, which included fishing, fishing off a boat, fishing off a dock, fishing, and fishing off the beach. That last one wasn’t a test to make sure you were paying attention; the guys REALLY DID fish off the beach, something that I didn’t even know was possible. But it was, because there they were, in the pitch-black of night, lined up along the water’s edge, the guys spaced about 20 yards away from each other. And they actually caught fish! I think…I was too busy doing that thing we’re no longer discussing.FishermanDock
When we returned to the States, it hit me all of a sudden that, Hello! It’s two days till Christmas! What a great little surprise, huh? Here I am, one minute basking in the sun, building a pretty good base-tan, and the next minute it’s cold, and sort of gloomy outside, but it’s CHRISTMAS! That is how life should be all the time, I’ve decided: A tropical vacation followed immediately by Christmas. Now, who do I talk to about that?

Posted in Family, Holidays, Travel | Comments Off on Grasping at Christmas straws

Feliz Navidad, amigos*

Posted on December 25, 2009 by Sarah

Wishing you and yours a relaxing and uneventful holiday weekend. Or, if you’d prefer, an eventful one. But we’re boring, so we go for uneventful. Either way, Merry Christmas! Now let’s eat!

*If you’re into that sort of thing, you can check out all the pictures from our recent trip to Mexico here.

Posted in Family, Holidays, Travel | Comments Off on Feliz Navidad, amigos*

What’s the OPPOSITE of tooting one’s own horn?

Posted on December 14, 2009 by Sarah

All aboard Sarah’s Self-Deprecating Train! It’s first come, first served here at the Failure Express, so jump on, grab a seat, and enjoy the ride, will ya?

First stop: Vlog-tarded. After my faithful Internet peeps encouraged me to vlog (vlog vlog vlog!) our Christmas decorations, I got all ready and set up to do it, only realizing after I set my camera to Video Mode that it only records for 25 seconds at one time. One might check that before one commits to doing a vlog, might one? Oh, but not this one! Embarrassing and shoddy video blog FAIL. [Hmm, maybe not such a fail after all, when I think about it…]

The next stop on the Sarah Sucks Line: I apparently cannot work our heating/air-conditioning. It shouldn’t be that difficult, right? I mean, I know I’m a little slow when it comes to anything electronic, but it’s a HEATER/AIR-CONDITIONER, for god’s sake! Those things have been around for decades, right? Well, I am rather inept at even the simplest forms of electronics, it would seem, as the only way I could figure out how to stop the heater was to remove the batteries. Maintaining a reasonable household temperature FAIL.

Arriving at our final destination, Platform Why I Am A Useless Human Being (For Today, At Least): In an attempt to redeem myself for the vlog mishap, I thought I’d take some pictures of our holiday decorations and just post them here* (sort of like exactly like what I did last year; apparently I also suck for never having any new ideas.) My plan was thwarted, however, when I picked up my camera this morning and in true Sarah fashion, THREW IT ACROSS THE ROOM. Because I’d been massaging butter onto my hands? No. Lotion? Nope. Body oil?! Negative. I threw that mo-fo because I am just that accident-prone. So simple a baby could use it point-and-shoot camera FAIL.

Alright, that brings us to the end of our journey! I hope your day is made better knowing that there’s always someone more awkward than you are!

*If you still want to see some of our holiday decor, you can check out the Flickr set here. (I did manage to finagle the camera in such a way that I could take a few pictures. The camera, however, is still broken.)

Posted in Embarrassing Myself Daily | Comments Off on What’s the OPPOSITE of tooting one’s own horn?

Internet says?

Posted on December 7, 2009 by Sarah

First of all, thank you for all your input on my What To Wear To A Holiday Party query. By a landslide, you all chose option number two, and when then Internet decides something, I listen. [I switched out the leather jacket for a long black coat, because it was fuh-reezing that night, but I did rock the hobo gloves. Just keeping it real, you know.] Here’s a shot of Chris and I that night; you can consider this our official Holiday card.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, & Happy Festivus!
May your holiday season be filled with lots of fun, lots of love, and as few grievances as possible!

Speaking of The Holidays, we got our Christmas tree yesterday and I am toying with the idea of doing a video blog, or vlog, as the cool kids are calling it, to display our decorations. Not that our holiday decorations are anything to write home about, but, you know, everyone loves to see the inside of someone’s house, right? Anyway, let me know if a vlog of my Christmas decor would be something you’d be interested in seeing. If the Internet doesn’t want to see it, then I’m not going to waste hours of my time attempting to format a vlog, you know? Vlog, vlog, VLOG VLOG VLOG!

Chris’s number three brother, Drew, is visiting today and Chris is taking a much needed and deserved day off work, so we’re thinking about going to see a matinee. At the recommendation of my cousin Ron and my friend Kim, it looks like I’ll be lobbying to see Fantastic Mr. Fox. Like I said, if the Internet speaks, I listen. Plus, I’m still trying to avoid seeing 2012.

Posted in All About Moi, Holidays, Nerd Alert! | 3 Comments

Holiday gift-giving advice: It’s all about meeeee!

Posted on December 3, 2009 by Sarah

‘Tis the season for everyone and their mother to post a holiday gift guide on their blog. If I were more cool or savvy or patient, I would post a holiday gift guide of my very own…I like to think I have some style in here somewhere. You know, beneath the Target t-shirts and fuzzy socks.

While I am not posting a holiday gift guide, I am going to give you a piece of gift-giving advice. This has come in handy for me numerous times before and, I reckon, will be beneficial for Saturday, when I need to buy gifts for a white elephant gift exchange for Chris’s company holiday party.

[Let’s discuss white elephant gift exchanges for a second, shall we? I am against white elephant gift exchanges. First of all, there’s always, ALWAYS confusion with the rules; half the group has played one way, the other half of the group has played another, and both groups think their way is The Only Way. How many times can a gift switch hands? Does the first person who got the gift count as “one” or does the person who stole it from them count as “one”? Then there are people like me, who are all, “I don’t friggin care, someone go grab me a glass of champagne, please, that is the only way I can survive this stupid game.”

Then there are the gifts, which usually range from What in the hell is this? to Wait, this ISN’T a gag gift? Shit, did I just offend your boss with my maniacal laughter? I asked Chris last night, “Is this a gag-gift white elephant gift exchange or are we exchanging nice gifts?” To which he responded, “I don’t know, but isn’t there always that one person who brings a really shitty gift that no one wants?” Good point.

Rounding out the reasons I hate white elephant gift exchanges is the following: You never get what you want. That’s right. Despite my hatred for the game, I can’t help but to get really into it. Every. Single. Time. And every single time my good gift gets stolen. Usually it’s a bottle of booze or a Starbucks gift card, nothing I can’t go out and buy myself, of course. But it’s always that gift that makes me think, Well, maybe this game isn’t so bad after all. And then it gets stolen and I get stuck with a Simpsons board game.]

On to my gift giving advice. Are you ready? It’s a good one. A piece of advice so great, you’ll be telling all your friends about it from now until eternity. Okay. Here it is:

Buy something you would want for yourself.

I know, great, right?

Seriously, though, this is basically how I buy gifts for people, with the exception of, like, my husband or my dad (unless either of them start taking interest in handbags or shoes or jewelry, in which case I’ve got more to worry about than just what to buy them for Christmas.) This method of gift buying will be perfect for Saturday, when I’m buying gifts for what could be a 22 year old guy, an 80 year old man, or anyone in between. Needless to say, it’ll be champagne flutes and coffee mugs for everyone!

Posted in All About Moi, Holidays | 1 Comment

Help me be Stylish: What should I wear to a company holiday party? Edition

Posted on December 1, 2009 by Sarah

Chris’s company holiday party is this-coming Saturday and as per usual (and because I am apparently four years old), I need your assistance in dressing myself. In an attempt to not go out and purchase anything new, I went shopping in my own closet. Which, quite honestly, was sort of fun. Sort of. Below are the options; please let me know what you think I should don on Saturday night and also if you think the pants and/or shoes should be switched around or whatever. Thanks!

Option Number One: Green Juicy Dress (a gift from my uber-stylish aunt), paired with my new Old Navy skinny jeans, and Target Mossimo pumps:

Here is a close-up of the shoes:

Option Number Two: Purple dress from Nordstom’s BrassPlum (also the dress I wore when we got engaged, aww, sentimental value), paired with black tights, and my new boots:

Option Number Three: Black sweater from Nordstrom’s BrassPlum, paired with the same jeans and pumps as Option Number One:

Something to take into account: I will be wearing this faux-leather jacket with whichever outfit I choose:

And, Chris will be wearing a green plaid number, which might create a conflict of interest for Option Number One. I mean, if I wear the green and Chris wears the green, will we be that dorky couple who dresses alike, or that awesome couple who dresses alike? Or, just that really, really, really festive couple? Who dresses alike…

Thanks for all your input!  No pressure, but my stylishness depends on you!

Posted in Beauty & Fashion, Help me be Stylish, Holidays | 5 Comments

Holiday Movie Preview Review

Posted on November 30, 2009 by Sarah

The holidays are great for movies, aren’t they? Not that I ever really go to the movies, mind you, but great ones do seem to surface right around the end of the year. [Example: You’ve Got Mail is on TV right now and I just looked up its original release date. Any guesses? December 18, 1998. Mm-hm, told ya.] Anyway, since I hardly ever make it to the actual movie theatre, I thought I’d do a little preview review here. A Preview Review?, you ask. Why yes, this is me reviewing the movies I’ve seen the 30-second previews on TV for. [There is a strong chance I won’t see any of these movies until they come out on DVD. Or, to be honest, until they make it to HBO, ShoTime, et. al.]

The Twilight Saga: New Moon. Oh, New Moon. You all remember mine and Chris’s obsession with the Twilight books, don’t you? That was a fun two weeks, let me tell you what. The first movie, I think we can all agree, was meh. Yes, I said it. Meh. Cinematography? Gorgeous (thanks in large part to it being filmed in the Northwest.) Music? Also great (who else played that Paramore song over and over again?) But the acting was TERRIBLE. Just awful. Which brings me to New Moon. Robert Pattinson: Check. Kristen Stewart: Check. Bad acting: Check and check. [There’s actually a good chance we’ll go see this movie, but I’m definitely not expecting much.]

2012. This is the type of movie that Chris sees a preview for and says, “We have to go see that!” And then I sort of ignore the topic of “going to the movies” for awhile, in hopes that the next time we discuss it, movies like this one will be long gone from the theatre. This isn’t hard to do, by the way. As I mentioned before, we don’t really do the movie thing often. In fact, the last movie we saw on the big screen was Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and I think I fell asleep during part of it. A hot date, I am.

Actually, this movie does look pretty good. Plus, it has John Cusack in it, so it’s got to be good, right? Whether we’ll go to the theatre for this movie remains to be seen. Will Chris read this post and be reminded that he wants to see this movie or not?

Avatar. Okay, I’m going to be completely honest here and tell you that I actually have no idea what this movie is about, but I do not want to see it. Unfortunately, this one falls into the 2012 category in that Chris is probably dying to see it (are we seeing a pattern here?) I know, I know, it’s a James Cameron movie, blah blah blah. I don’t care. This is the type of movie I not only will not understand, but is entirely too long for me to sit through at the movie theatre. 150 minutes! That’s two-and-a-half hours, James! Too long, buddy, too long.

Sidenote: I hate that I just had to add the word “theatre” to Firefox’s dictionary. Kim, I know you’re with me on this one.

Brothers. Oh. My. God. Who else is totally freaked out by Tobey Maguire in the previews for this movie? Wow. Thirty seconds and you can tell he’ll be great in this movie. I would definitely like to see Brothers, but probably won’t, as it’ll be beat out by one of the above movies (just not Avatar.)

Nine. I don’t think I’ve actually seen a preview on TV for this movie, but I am dying to see it. Why? Because it’s a musical and I love musicals. Like, in an unhealthy way, really. I can’t tell you how many times I perform numbers from Chicago or Mamma Mia! or Hairspray.

Anyway, I am excited for this movie/musical in a bad way. The cast! The costumes! The hair and makeup! The choreographed numbers! Musicals are the way to my heart. Unfortunately, I doubt this movie will make it to our one-movie-theatre-town, but if it does? Oh, watch out!

Invictus. What is an invictus? Is it even a noun? Maybe it’s an adjective. Who knows! This is the type of movie I want to want to see, but I just can’t bring myself to actually want to see it. I mean, Morgan Freeman and Matt Damon and Clint Eastwood, I get it. But…yeah… See ya on DVD, Invictus! If you’re lucky…

I’m sure there are a ton of other great films coming out this holiday season, but I haven’t seen the previews for them yet. What am I missing? What do I HAVE TO see? What should I miss? I probably won’t go see any of them, but I’d like to know…

Posted in Book, Movies, TV, & Music, Holidays | 2 Comments

Happy Thanksgiving! Several days ago…

Posted on November 29, 2009 by Sarah

First of all, I need to apologize for my lack of blogging. I don’t know why I am even bothering apologizing for that. I mean, how many times have I apologized for that here and yet I NEVER end up blogging more regularly. Maybe I just need to accept that I’m a once-every-three weeks blogger?

[Which is funny, actually, because I’ve begun writing about five different posts since my last one and then, for whatever reason, I have abandoned them completely. Take this post, for example. I actually started writing this one BEFORE Thanksgiving and I’m only getting around to editing and posting it now. Which means I need to basically delete everything I wrote about Thanksgiving.]

Anyway, so I guess I’ll try to be better. Or something. Maybe not. Either way, here are a couple updates for y’all…

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Thanks for all your input on The Great Skinny Jeans Dilemma! I sucked it up and bought a pair of skinnies from Old Navy and…I actually like them! They do not in fact make my butt and thighs look more ginormous than they already are, which is obviously great. As I predicted, however, they still are not tight enough around the knees/calves, so the tucking problem continues on. Either way, they’re better than what I was working with before, so, it’s a win! And, now that I’ve discussed the disproportionality of my legs more than I ever thought I would, let’s move on.

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The Great Hair Intervention has also been rectified, as I paid a visit to San Diego two three (see? I had to edit that…terrible) weekends ago for, among other things, a much-needed visit to my stylist. I didn’t do anything too drastic. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not much of a drastic hair-do-er. It stems from laziness, really; I procrastinate and procrastinate on getting my hair done, so I really can’t be bothered with shorter styles or colored dos.

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Not that this is a giant newsflash, but Thanksgiving is was this Thursday. And I could not be was never more excited. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday ever ever ever. While this is not the first time I’ve hosted a Thanksgiving, it is the first time I’ve done so from a house. A house with a giant kitchen, can I get a woo-hoo!

[I had more stuff written about Thanksgiving and how excited I was, but four days later, it seemed a little pointless. Anyway, Thanksgiving was fantastic and once everyone in my family sends me their pictures, I’ll post those. So, hey, family! Send me your pictures, will ya?]

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We used our fireplace for the first time this past weekend two weekends ago and before you ask, let me answer for you: Yes, it is a real wood-burning fireplace. I never knew there was a difference in fireplaces until I had several people ask me if it was wood-burning or gas – Aren’t they all wood-burning?, I thought. After determining that we don’t have the circle-knob-thingy by the side of the fireplace, I figured out that we have a real, wood-burning fireplace. This is better somehow, I guess? Something about the heat being produced? Well, I wouldn’t know, because either way, if there’s a fire, I’ll scoot right up in its face and singe off my eyebrows  to stay hot. I love fires.

Anyway, so the fireplace was nice for several reasons. Number one, as I just mentioned, I LOVE FIRES; number two, we are without a paper shredder and I had a stack of documents that needed to be destroyed; and number three, FIRE.

The not-so-good thing about a fireplace, however, is the cleaning. We forgot that we need one of those fireplace cleaner-upper kits and so we just let the ash pile up all weekend. In anticipation of Thanksgiving, I needed to clean every inch of this house spic-and-span, which included the fireplace. Chris mentioned that the ShopVac would be good for this, which I thought was brilliant. I mean, why get on my hands and knees and sweep when I can just suck everything up lickedy-split, right? Right? Hah!

As if I even need to tell you what happened, the stupid ShopVac exploded. Blew up. Ash was EVERYWHERE. So, not only did I end up cleaning the fireplace on hand and knees, but I also had to clean the entire living room twice because ash is a funny thing in that it NEVER SEEMS TO GO AWAY.

Related: I am not hosting Thanksgiving next year.

Posted in Beauty & Fashion, Embarrassing Myself Daily, Family, Holidays | Comments Off on Happy Thanksgiving! Several days ago…

Help me be Stylish: How do I wear knee-high boots? Edition

Posted on November 11, 2009 by Sarah

Last weekend, we had tickets to go see the Dropkick Murphys at the B-E-A-UTIFUL Fox Theatre in Oakland. [Seriously, the Fox Theatre was one of the best venues ever, with lots of room to stand without being smashed to death by moshers or whatever those crazy kids are called and also, the decor was awesome and included Buddhas. Buddhas, I know!]

The day of the show, though, I had somewhat of a shoemergency. Actually, if you follow me on Twitter, then you know I’ve had a shoemergency for quite some time now, but being as I basically live in running shoes, it wasn’t actually a five-alarm shoemergency until last Friday. When I needed something other than running shoes or Uggs. Not that I’m above wearing Uggs to a punk show. I’m not. I just wouldn’t want to get them dirty. I am so punk rock, as you can see.

Five-alarm shoemergency in effect, I ventured out to the outlet center in my new town. Being as I’m, what the French call, on a boo-jay, I’ve set a self-imposed ban on the outlet center. There are just too many appealing stores in there and to make you jealous, I shall list some of them: Burberry, Banana Republic, Gucci, Michael Kors, Le Crueset, you can see why I’ve imposed the ban…

I decided I’d only go to Nine West. I’d always had good luck at the Nine West outlet across the street from where I used to work (is it just me or is anyone else wondering how I’m always working or living withing two miles of an outlet center?) and this time was no different. Boots, boots, everywhere! In every color and style and size! After much trying on and walking around deliberating with one boot on my left foot and an entirely different boot on my right, I finally decided on these puppies:

Seriously, they have got to be the most impractical shoes I’ve ever owned, but dammit, if they’re not also the cutest.
Boots
I got home, however, and realized that I do not own a pair of jeans that are boot-friendly. I own wide-leg jeans and flared jeans and boot-cut jeans, but almost all of them are of the “long” variety, which means even my boot-cuts had too much fabric for proper boot tuckage. I’m no slouch, so I made due with the situation and tucked my jeans into a pair of Chris’s old man socks (like I said, I’m so punk rock.) This actually worked…Kind of…The jeans would come loose from the socks and sort of stick out the top of my boots, which made me feel like a cowgirl or a horseback rider or something.

The point is, sock fix lasted through the evening and even through brunch the next morning, but if I want to make these boots more useful to me, I’ve got to find an alternative way to wear them. And that’s where you come in! Do I need to break down and buy skinny jeans? Do they even make skinny jeans for girls like me (I’m not into the low-rise nonsense, my bottom is too big for that.) Or, do I dare try leggings? Where does one buy leggings, anyway? In other words, HELP! I’d love to hear y’alls’ advice.

Also, here’s a picture of my whole ensemble…I thought we hadn’t taken any pictures that night, but lo and behold, I found one! [There may or may not have been Kahlua in that coffee.]Dropkick
By the way, for those of you wondering, yes, my hair still looks a fright (see post below this one), but I am hoping to rectify that situation soon.

Posted in Beauty & Fashion, Help me be Stylish | 9 Comments

Let’s discuss my hair

Posted on October 29, 2009 by Sarah

Riveting for you, I’m sure. But I’m in need of a serious hairvention and figured if I put it out there on the Interweb, then maybe I’d do something about it.

I have done my hair – we’re talking blow-dryer, straightening iron, and product – all of three times in the past six weeks. What’s worse, I’ve only brushed my hair, oh, maybe five times? And normally I think it looks okay; kind of the Wild Carrie Bradshaw Loose Locks look. Except, based on the rat’s nest I’ve been wearing today, I don’t think that’s the look I actually have. Behold:DSCN0482Oh, you can’t see the rat’s nest from that angle? Well here you go:
DSCN0485Yeaaaaah, so. You see why I’m staging a hairvention. I’m just not sure what to do with it. My bangs are almost grown out and I feel like it might be time to just be rid of them altogether. On the other hand, I love my side-swept bangs! When I actually style, them, that is.

And then there’s the color. I’m not sure when I last got my hair colored, which means it was probably over six nine months ago. Truth be told, I kind of like not having to keep up a color. But then that means that my hair looks like this, which I don’t necessarily like.

So, any hair suggestions? Chop it off? Grow out my bangs? Dye it? Highlight it? Decisions, decisions. Until then, I think I’ll go do my hair now.

Posted in Beauty & Fashion | 3 Comments