Houston, we have an issue

I’m not usually one who gets behind an “issue” and encourages others to band together with her for or against this issue. I know I personally feel alienated when, on someone’s blog, I read a post about how everyone should be for or against this particular issue and if you’re not, then you have no heart or you’re evil or what-have-you. This is Uh-Merica, where anyone can be for or against any issue they want (right on.)

Until now! Because I have an “issue,” you guys, one that I think ALL OF US, EVERYWHERE can agree needs to stop. Immediately.

My issue is this: Stop Food Network Hosts From Tasting Food On Camera.

The reasons are thrice-fold and are as follows:

Reason Number One Food Network Hosts Need To Stop Tasting Food On Camera: HEY JEALOUSY
I’m not normally a jealous person, but when I watch the Food Network, though I do love it, I can’t help but get a little jealous. Annie B. is there making some DELICIOUS meal with truffles flown in from Italy and creme brulees with her fancy torch and I’m sitting on my couch wearing leggings that have a hole in the butt and I’m STARVING and am probably going to get up and eat a PB&J or perhaps a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch. The last thing I want to see is Annie B. take a bite of the fancy truffled food or the crispy top of the creme brulee. I’ve already had to watch the entire meal preparation and now I have to watch her eat it? HEY JEALOUSY.

Reason Number Two Food Network Hosts Need To Stop Tasting Food On Camera: Hot Plate! Hot Plate!
Food Network shows are timed pretty rigorously; you can tell they don’t use a lot of takes, which I totally appreciate, as I think it adds to the integrity of the cooking (“integrity of the cooking”? God, I’m lame.) Anyway, the problem with this is that food comes out of the oven and the Food Network host, because they HAVE to TASTE IT, ON CAMERA, is forced to eat a bite of piping hot food. That’s just uncomfortable, man. For them, especially, but also for me and you. I don’t know how many times I’ve put food in front of Chris and said, “Be careful! It’s hot!” only to see him dive right in and do the whoo-hoo-hot!-but delicious! face. Watching someone burn their mouth is just not appetizing. Hot plate! Hot plate!

Reason Number Three Food Network Hosts Need To Stop Tasting Food On Camera: Mom Said Don’t Talk With Your Mouth Full
I don’t think I really need to go into much detail here. No one likes to watch someone talk and eat at the same time. It’s gross and unattractive, but due to the aforementioned time restraints, happens ALL THE TIME on the Food Network. ESPECIALLY, it should be noted, to Guy Fieri, my arch nemesis. Hey Guy! Mom said don’t talk with your mouth full (you ass.)

So there you have it, my “issue,” which I think we can ALL get behind. Hey Food Network! Stop making your hosts taste food on camera!

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5 Responses to Houston, we have an issue

  1. Raven says:

    I am totally on board! In fact, I add the additional issue of the satisfied moaning. THE MOANING. I do not want to hear your sex noises while you talk with your mouth full.

  2. PinkieBling says:

    YES. Amen to all of that, esp. the talking through food, and MOST IMPORTANTLY to Guy Fieri. Ick.

  3. natalie says:

    My husband is wholeheartedly behind you on this issue. Are they ever going to say it tastes bad? Nope, so don’t even bother lying to us.

  4. Jet says:

    I’m with you, 100%! So. damn. frustrating.

  5. I agree with you 100%! Plus, it always looks fake. I mean, maybe the recipe is a good one. But trying to do it in under 30 minutes (I’m looking at you, Rachael Ray) does not give me a whole lot of confidence that the food is actually a) cooked or b) tasty. Making a noise and rolling your eyes back in your head does not convince me that it’s good.

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