Everything I need to know about pregnancy, I can learn from the Real Housewives of Atlanta

For better or for worse, I’ve taken a rather laissez-faire approach to pregnancy. I don’t like being stressed out (who does?) and find that reading and researching makes me stressed. First you read one thing, then you read another, and before you know it, you’ve just spent three hours of your life trying to determine something for which there is no actual answer. (Except drugs. Everyone’s pretty clear that you’re not supposed to do drugs while pregnant. Psh. I’ll show them!)

But honestly, while I could easily spend three hours contemplating which zebra-print area rug to buy — my choices being two zebra-print area rugs which are essentially twins at first glace — I just can’t spend that kind of time researching health-related things. Truth is, I’m much too lazy and would rather sit on the couch and watch the Real Housewives of Hotlanta Atlanta than read a pregnancy book.

Luckily, I’ve found that with such keen minds as NeNe and Co., there’s no need to bother with What to Expect When You’re Expecting. These ladies tell me everything I need to know!

From Phaedra, I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how many weeks pregnant you are, you can give birth anytime your baby is around 7 pounds. Perfect! If I keep eating these cookies, that should get me a 7 pound baby in no time. Thanks, Phaedra!

(Oh wait, what I actually learned from Phaedra is that maybe a grown-ass woman-lawyer should stop being so damn afraid of her momma and just admit that she got knocked up before she was married.)

What I learned from Kim Zolciak, R.N. was that — holy shit, wait a sec. Did anyone ever guess EVER that Kim had a nursing degree? I don’t believe anything Kim says, but when she busted out with her, “I have a such-and-such-fancy-sounding-nursing-degree from U Conn,” I did the ol’ cartoon googly-eyed “WHAT???” And then I believed every word she said. Because she was talking about important-sounding baby fluid-y things and other stuff I don’t know anything about.

All in all, I think the Real Housewives of Atlanta as my pregnancy resource is working out quite well. I can kill two birds with one stone…Watch all my trash WHILE learning things…Which obviously appeals to the lazy side of me. Which is, uhh, all of me.

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6 Responses to Everything I need to know about pregnancy, I can learn from the Real Housewives of Atlanta

  1. SaraMcG says:

    haha! I do think it’s best not to stress yourself out with all the what you can’t do and how to have the perfect pregnancy. I remember picking up my What to Expect book and realizing I was in my 6 month. At that point it was a little late but I think it was for the best! just enjoy 🙂

  2. Toni says:

    Delurking to say I found this hilarious. I love that show (all the Housewives actually) but Hotlanta steals my heart. It’s hard for me to watch Phaedra, which is what makes her so great. And Kim coming out as a nurse completely blew my mind. Too bad she is SUCH a good singer. I’m sure her bedside manner is immpecable.

  3. I love how laid back you are about the whole experience. You’re my favorite pregnant lady EVER. Also, when I’m in book edit mode (as in 18-hour days chained to the computer for weeks), I go through some mad reality TV. Right now, it’s Teen Mom. I’m thinking when that’s over tomorrow, I’m onto RH.

  4. Rhi says:

    I just hope that your baby isn’t born Chinese.

  5. Welp, a few more episodes and you should be ready! yay tv!

  6. Jenn says:

    I hated pregnancy books. I started reading “what to expect when you’re expecting” and it scared the shit out of me. I didn’t read another pregnancy book after that. I have 2 kids now. Trust me, it comes naturally and you’ll know what you’re doing (even though you’ll feel like you don’t).
    I can’t believe that Kim is a nurse. That blows my mind. I wouldn’t think she went past about the 9th grade. Oi.

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