RHONY Recap: That caviar is a garnish

Quick note: Bravo has been airing reruns of RHOC in tandem with previews for the upcoming season that starts in a few weeks and I’ve noticed that there are only five OC housewives in this upcoming season, as opposed to eight (8!) NY housewives. I’m guessing Bravo can’t legally show that much spray tan in one sitting without some kind of warning or disclaimer. Anyway, onto NY!

It’s raining in NYC as we meet up with Dorinda and Ramona. Ramona is sick but is going to go out anyway because she’s single and ready to mingle. This is exactly the approach I used to bag Chris, so I recommend it. The ladies talk about their husbands, boyfriends, and the Berkshires. It’s a very boring conversation.

Meanwhile, Carole is running for a spot on her building’s co-op board and has amassed a group of NYC’s political movers and shakers to help with her campaign. She’s even wearing a suit! This should be fun. Everyone starts throwing around words like “messaging” and “transparency,” and we do find out that Carole came home (ostensibly drunk) at 3am, sans keys, and had to have the fire department break the door to let her in. Ramona took the words right out of my mouth when she said, “DoorGate!”

Dr. Amador is back! Bethenny immediately gives him shit about his tie. WHAT IS WITH THIS WOMAN. Doctor A and Beth rehash Beth’s talk with her stepfather. Doctor A calls out Beth’s stepfather for not acknowledging or apologizing to Bethenny and Bethenny loses her shit on Doctor A.

Commercial break…

And we’re back!

Bethenny and Doctor A continue their conversation and finally start to get real. The crap she’s saying about her stepfather once again begs the question, WHY would she want this person in her daughter’s life? WHY? Ugh, these therapy scenes are hard to cover because I like to pay half attention to this shit and the whole point of therapy is to pay full attention.

Onward!

SonJa shows up to a SonJa In The City fete (SonJa’s big with the Latinos, did you know?) with a leopard-print umbrella and a leopard-print coat. The ladies show up to SonJa’s event and Heather asks if SonJa’s clothing line is going to be in Kmart. Everyone on SonJa’s team freaks out. The dress is Italian fabric, thankyouverymuch.

Commercial break…

And we’re back!

Carole is throwing what might be a loser’s party or what might be a winner’s party. She’s serving two-year-old frozen pigs in blankets. I can dig it. Bethenny gets mad at Heather for asking about Bethenny’s custody arrangement. Bethenny thinks Heather’s wish for a Maleficent tattoo is a bad idea. Both women may be right here.

Meanwhile, Kristen pulls SonJa aside to apologize for doubting her business. I refuse to apologize yet. One dress prototype does not a business make.

Carole gets the important call and finds out she was elected to the board!

Commercial break…

And we’re back!

Apparently Ramona owns a restaurant (I refuse to dig deeper into this–didn’t Ramona learn anything from Britney Spears’s NYLA?) and she and her partner are interviewing potential employees. It’s super great, I must say. Behold:

Ramona’s Restaurant Partner: “What are you doing right now?”

Ramona’s Potential Employee: “I’m here.”

RRP: “No, are you working somewhere?”

RPE: “I am currently between employment…Things disappeared.”

RRP: “On your application, we asked you to list any other office machines you could operate and you put ‘stapler’.”

Commercial break…

And we’re back!

Carole and Bethenny meet up to shop for furniture/housewares. Bethenny defends why she’s not going to the Berkshires for Dorinda’s 50th birthday and then cries about her daughter. Carole seems terrified by Bethenny’s crying. Carole is giving Bethenny a run for her money in the empathy department, let me tell you what.

Although the ladies (sans Beth) are going to the Berkshires, Lu decides to throw Dorinda a caviar birthday celebration in the city before they go. Basically it’s an excuse for Lu to eat caviar. No really, she says as much. Ramona shows up with the tall drink of water she met in the Hamptons, then Dorinda arrives with her…short glass of RC Cola.

Lu makes a toast to the ladies and it turns sour when Ramona talks shit about Heather and Lu. Then it turns sour-er when LuAnn calls out Ramona for talking shit about Dorinda’s boyfriend John (who is, conveniently, in the bathroom, probably doing coke with the caviar server.) Turns out, Ramona and Lu talked shit about John together, but then Ramona went and told Dorinda. (This all seems very juvenile, as Ramona has already told Dorinda to her face what she thought about John. Why bring it up again, if only to roll LuAnn under the bus? Anyway.)

Commercial break…

And we’re back!

John’s back from the bathroom–sniffling, may I add; I CALLED IT–and now Ramona is mad at Dorinda for telling LuAnn that she knows what Lu and Ramona said about John. (Seriously this is all so dumb.) The whole thing ends with Dorinda in her confessional saying she knows Ramona was using LuAnn as a scapegoat. The best part of all this is how awkward and regretful Ramona’s date looks.

Next time: Dinner parties gone wrong–YAY!

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